Willie Randolph, Your Season Has Come...And Gone

You heard it here first: whether or not the Mets snap out of this God awful, stinky crotched, hideous fucking funk they're in, I want Willie Randolph out. I don't care if they win the World Series, I want Willie to pack his shit before the champagne dries.

I don't ask for all that much from my teams. In my lifetime, I've seen the Rangers win the Cup (which was more enjoyable than losing my virginity) and a couple UCONN basketball titles. I've stuck by the Mets through every shitty summer and every shitty inning they've played in my lifetime. All I ask is that the team, as a whole, cares. Or at least looks like they care. That was why I hated Roger Cedeno's fat ass - the guy had the world's biggest grin on his face whether he hit for the cycle or grounded into a double play. You can shit in your hat, Roger Cedeno.

On the other hand, I have always loved guys like Esa Tikkanen, Wayne Chrebet, Lou Piniella, Keith Hernandez and so on. When they played, or coached, they busted their ass. They looked like they would be more devastated than I was after a loss or a bad call. That's what I want. Which leads me to Willie Randolph.

Willie Randolph is calm to a fault. It makes me wonder if he has some kind of condition. Like partial autism or something. Which would make me feel bad for ripping on him, but not that bad. Some people say, "You're an idiot, players want to play for a manager who has confidence in them. Willie doesn't need to tear up the clubhouse to inspire the team." I say balls to that. Observe the following:

- Willie in today's New York Times: "If we smell the roses and sip some Champagne, so be it; if not, that's life."

- Paul Lo Duca on WFAN today: "Lo Duca responded with a solid four seconds of silence when asked if he believes his manager, Willie Randolph, should go out and defend his players to the umpire."

- Marty Noble, quoting an anonymous Met in his Mets.com column: "We play at the temperature of the manager. I know Willie cares a lot, but he's not showing it much."

Add to this the fact that he still has trouble pulling off a double switch (did you really need to use all three catchers last night, Willie?), continues to trot Guillermo "The Tall Mel Rojas" Mota out to the mound and lacks even fundamental knowledge of in game strategy, and it is clear to see he needs to go. Willie Randolph's idea of managing a bullpen is a real fucking stroke of genius as well: leave a guy in until he gets bombed, at which point the booing is so loud it's a cue to pull him. Awesome.

Willie Randolph may be a decent guy, but good God is he a shitty manager. And I believe that it all begins with his roots as a Yankee. Joe Torre, for all of his credentials, is a shitty baseball manager. If you put him on the Royals in the late '90s and early '00s, he would be no different than Art Howe. Give him a $200 million payroll and he's gold. I'll admit, Torre is good at what he does - keeping a clubhouse full of enormous egos in check in the pressure cooker of a media market that is New York. Other than that, the guy stinks. He doesn't know how to manage his bullpen, makes odd lineup moves and substitutions, and so on. Willie is the same way. The Mets success over the last three years has not been because of Willie, it has been in spite of him. Give Bobby V the talent we have now, and I guarantee you get the same or better results.

So I say, happy trails to you, Willie Randolph. It's been real. It's been fun. But it hasn't been real fun. Time to turn the page.

And, just in case you no longer want to watch calm, cool and collected Willie answer questions in a pissy manner after the next Mets loss, here is your very own "Build A Postgame Interview" starring Willie Randolph. Just plug in the appropriate opponent and player that cost the Mets the game in question.

Reporter: Willie, are you upset about todays loss?

Willie: Upset? Nah, man, I'm not upset. Sometimes you just gotta tip your hat, you know? And the ______ deserved it today. They played hard.

Reporter: But Willie, this was a pretty big game. Your lead in the East has shrunk to ___ games. Do you feel like your team is pressing at all?

Willie: Do I feel like we're pressing? Nah, man, you know, we just have to go out there tomorrow and win one. This game isn't any more important than the next, you know? We're not pressing, we just gotta turn the page, go out there, and get 'em tomorrow.

Reporter: Willie why did you put in _______ in the 6th inning when he has pitched four days in a row and has a history of sucking against this team, and lefties?

Willie: Well, you know, ______ is my guy. He's been my guy all year. He's probably got some of the best stuff in our bullpen, he just needs to show it. I had a gut feeling and it didn't work out, you know? No big deal.

Reporter: Willie, do you think you need to address the team to snap them out of this skid? I mean, you've lost ___ in a row.

Willie: Address the team? No, no, I'm not going to address the team. I mean, these are my guys. Just gotta stay positive, stay strong, go back out there and play our hardest. They're trying, you know? That's all I can ask, man.

Reporter: But Willie, your team has made ___ errors in the last __ games. Your bullpen has blown the lead ___ games in a row. Are they really trying that hard?

Willie: This interview is over.

Jerry Manuel doesn't even want to talk to Willie.