Mets Haiku Bukakke Party

One time during a boring intro history class in college, Professor Reyes passed me a notebook he had been scribbling poems in. No, Professor Reyes isn't gay (in all likelihood) - they were just dumb haikus making fun of our friends. One in particular struck me....I believe it went something along the lines of:

Slipping in his puke

Fingering an ugly girl

'Tis the life of Dan*

I don't know why I was thinking about this at work the other day, but I nearly laughed out loud at my desk, just like in college. So I figured I would address the current state of the Mets in haiku form. It's a way to be feel clever while actually being really fucking lazy.

Shawn Green

Oh, Flaco - what's wrong?

Is it your gangly body?

Are steroids kosher?

John Maine

Cy Young candidate
You are my man crush, young John

I would have your kids

Moises Alou

Where did Moises go?
Is he still a New York Met?

Stop peeing on hands

Carlos Delgado

Why can't you hit, 'Los?

We don't pay you to suck balls

Two forty - not good

Mike Pelfrey

What happened to you?

You were going to be big

Now, Anthony Young

Ruben Gotay

My friend, you got fucked
Castillo can't hit like you

Willie likes old folks

Guillermo Mota

You injected drugs

Now you stink like Shea toilet

Get back on the juice**

Julio Franco

Wanted to play more
You were the human ground out

Good riddance, Old Fuck

That's really all I have in me right now - have to get back to Glavine going for 300. More Japanese goodness to follow later.

*This name has not been changed. Dan really did do these things.

**Live Update: Mota (with help from Feliciano) just blew Glavine's 300th. I sincerely hope this was the last we will see of Steroid in a Mets uniform.