Boo This Man
Yes, boo him. Scream "Down in front!" Throw shit at him. Expose your scrotum in the background when people ask him to pose for pictures with them, for Cow-Bell Man is the biggest fraud at Shea Stadium.I have been going to Mets games since 1987, but I don't really have any specific memories of being in the Stadium until around 1989. Throughout my Mets career, there have been many memorable characters I have enjoyed meeting and seeing at Shea. The two scalpers we used to sell some of our season tickets to who had a business card they passed out with only their first names on it. The guy that sat field level wearing a suit and a Lone Ranger mask. The lady that sat behind home plate with all the doofy hats and made weird hand gestures. These people were great because they great characters, but weren't schticky - they were memorable for being who they are.
Cow-Bell Man, on the other hand, is one of the most loathsome motherfuckers a fan of a professional sports team can encounter. Cow-Bell Man is the A-Rod of fans - a true "24 + 1" guy. Most fans are content going to the stadium and cheering hard for their team. But not Cow-Bell Man. No, sir. He needs to walk around Shea in his customized jersey making a racket with an obnoxious fucking instrument. Even if your kid had Down Syndrome, you would probably only let it walk around your house smacking a cowbell for about 45 minutes before you pull the plug. This asshole does it for the entire game.
Everyone knows someone like this from high school: abrasive, grating personality, thinks they're cooler than they really are, probably went on to pursue some vapid acting career because they are so in love with themselves and love the spotlight. It would have been fine with me if Cow-Bell Man were to pursue commercial gigs on Telemundo, but no. He has to let all of Shea know that he is the #1 fan.
What disgusts me about Cow-Bell Man, besides the blatant misspelling of the word "cowbell," is that he takes away from the game in order to feed his massive Puerto Rican ego. Naturally, fans of all ages and intensity levels are going to come to Shea. But that doesn't mean these people aren't terribly annoying. You know the people I'm talking about. The one's more concerned with starting the wave than the fact that their team has two runners in scoring position, down by one. The one's doing annoying shit in order to get on the big screen. Any New York fan who participates in a "Sweet Caroline" sing-a-long. I have encountered similar fans in my New York sports career. The "Freddy Sez" douchebag at Yankee Stadium. The Jets' Firefighter Ed (who I like, by the way). "Dancin' Larry," who is affectionately known as "Homo Larry" in my section of the 400s at MSG.
With Firefighter Ed excluded, I have noticed a primarily negative reaction to these "Super Fans." A real fan doesn't need some jerkoff who has appointed himself the "#1 Fan" to get them excited. Especially when that fan may have other intentions than simply rooting for their team.
"Big Mackey Sasser," you ask, "are you implying that there might be more to Cow-Bell Douche than meets the eye?"
Yes, indeed I am. At a New York Rangers game at the Garden earlier this year, I was going to take a piss in the 400 level and saw none other than Cow-Bell Man leaning against the railing having a conversation with someone (come to think of it, it might have been Homo Larry). How did I know it was Cow-Bell Man? Because the asshole was wearing his custom made Mets jersey at a hockey game. Anyway, the snippet of the conversation that I overheard was as follows:
Rangers Fan (possibly Homo Larry): "So have the Mets given you season tickets yet?"
Cow-Bell Man: "No man, it's fucking ridiculous."
Ridiculous? That the Mets won't give $4,000 worth of tickets to someone who probably couldn't name everyone in the bullpen because he is too concerned with making noise during the game? Really?
Fuck you Cow-Bell Man.
In closing, I would like to implore everyone who attends a game at Shea this year, whether they are a fan of the Mets or not: BOO COW-BELL MAN. Do not take pictures with him. Do not feed his ego. Do not think that he represents Mets fans. He is but a pimple on the ass of Shea Stadium, and hopefully as the Shea Era ends in 2009, so with it goes the cowbell.
Labels: Cow-Bell Man blows goats, rants
posted by Big Mackey Sasser @ 6:49 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I was once at a Phillies - Mets game in Philly and saw this guy walking around. He looked at us and gave a holler since we were wearing mets jerseys. Yea, he sucks. About as much as Morgano sucks. Less than a week! Lets Go Mets!...F-A-N
I could not agree more with your post. This man is a nuissance and a fraud, and he is ruining the game and the experience for real fans. A little story: For instance, last Wednesday I was at the Mets-Philly game, and the Mets were trailing 3-2 in the bottom on the 7th with bases loaded, one out and a full count to Endy Chavez. Up comes Cow-Bell man into our section, in our faces, ringing that bell and disturbing everyone in the most critical spot. Despite our pleas, he wouldn't move out of the way, wouldn't stop banging that ridiculous bell, and could care less about the game. In fact, the more we asked, the more antagonistic and bothersome he became. I asked him, "if you are a Mets fan then why don't you turn around and watch this play, and allow us to do the same." He would not. Sure enough, Endy grounds into a double play and the Mets go on to lose. Cowbell man ruined yet another game for us. But he did not care. In fact, he was oblivious to the whole situation. I asked him the score and he had to examine the scoreboard before responding. I asked who was playing and he said the Yankees. I asked who was pitching and he had no idea. And yet he goes around ringing that bell as if he cares about the team, detracting from our enjoyment of the game and our ability to focus on what really matters, namely, the action on the field. And sadly, this is not an isolated incident, it has been going on for years.
So boo and let it be known. In addition, there is a great group of facebook we urge you to join, called Say No to the Cowbell Man...hope to see you there!
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